I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
