He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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