my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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