onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
