$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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