The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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