White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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