I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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