I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
