do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize