i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
