i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
