so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
