I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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