took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
