We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
