I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
