i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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