if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
