You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
