Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
