last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
