my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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