No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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