So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
