Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
