im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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