I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
