Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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