Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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