I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
