Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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