Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
