He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
