im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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