Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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