I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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