There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
