You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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