Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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