I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
