Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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