Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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