Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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