Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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