So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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