4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
4 words: hood of his car
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
