People with herpes should wear stickers.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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