she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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