I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
