Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
