I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize