Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
