I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
