I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
