I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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