During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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