why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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