you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
