Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
