like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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