what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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