I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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