Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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