did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
