I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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