Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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